My husband, the jack@ss

It is 3 am Saturday morning, and I am awake and on the internet while he sleeps peacefully in our bed. Not too wierd of a picture as I have stayed up into the wee hours of the morn before surfing the net, but not last night. No, I was in bed around 11:30 and asleep around 11:31. Then I woke up about 20 minutes ago, and with NO WARNING got sick to my stomach.

------GROSS ALERT------

I don't know what hit me so suddenly, but I didn't have time to get out of bed. I literally bolted up in bed, and felt it coming up. So I flung my head over the bed and puked onto the carpet. Then I was kicking Art with my legs going "Art...Art....Art...Sweety....ART!"

him: "What the hell do you want?"

me: "Baby, I threw up..." (whiney voice)

him: (angry voice) "on the carpet?!"

me: "yeah"

him: (annoyed as all hell gets out of bed and returns with a roll of paper towels and the Resolve and throws it at me) "Well Clean it up!"

So, I clean it up and then get up to brush my teeth. Am able to use mouthwash, then brush my teeth. As soon as the toothbrush hits my tongue, I vomit again, but this time into the bathroom sink.

me: (whining again) "Art! I threw up again"

him: "so brush your teeth again"

So I clean the sink and brush my teeth again and then sit on the egde of the tub where Art is half asleep, half glaring at me as though I just threw up on his mama.

me: "Why are you mad at me? I couldn't help it-geesh"

him: "Yeah, you could have. You didn't throw up on yourself. You coulda made it to the tile at least"

me: "Is that what's wrong? That I threw up on the damn carpet or that it interrupted your f*ing sleep?!"

him: "BOTH!"

me: (walking out of the room) "Well, excuse me. Next time I decide to get sick, I'll make sure to do it at a more convenient time and place for you!"

Then I came into the office to get on the computer since I am now hot, and am in no way sleepy anymore. And here comes Art like 30 seconds later..."babe, I'm sorry. Come to bed."

me: "No. Go away. I'm gonna write a shitty blog about you now!"